She's Got A Way
Look what you made me do!I am the worst negotiator in my class! Which actually doesn't bother me as much because I am doing fine on my papers lately. One of my classmates started crying when she was talking to me about her negotiation. She did better than I did! I am just praying that I get a decent grade in the end....
A law student told me today that she and her boyfriend go to lunch and then talk about how much they hate their lives right now. I mentioned that I too hate my life right now, but she was too busy talking about herself to care. This was one of the few times that I didn't mind. I'm too the point where I just don't want to talk about it much. I have way too much to do and feel like I'm being pulled in a million directions. And oddly everything in the world that could go wrong has been lately. I'm just sort of to the point where I don't even want to talk about it. It's a strange world to be surrounded by people that are so miserable. I feel like I work for a factory filled with people that are stuck in dead end jobs. Except that in theory we are educated and there is a theoretical light at the end of the tunnel. In a nutshell, I hate my life and I don't know anyone who doesn't.
I went to see a speech by Jackson Katz last night. Look him up, he has very new ideas about rape and sexual assault, and what to do to change the fact that 1 in 4 girls will be raped during their college years alone. He focuses on men, which is something that in the past was never allowed. He makes a statement that I think all men should hear. He says -- men close their minds to the issue of abuse because it tends to be finger pointing. They don't think it is their problem and they say "hey, I'm a good guy, I don't rape or beat women." Katz has this crazy idea that we need to raise the bar. I want everyone in the world to be in the room when he says "Just saying I am not a rapist is not particularly impressive to me." It was very surreal to hear a man say that. He later made me very upset, but overall he has one of the most powerful messages in the United States today. I sent him an email telling him that I was upset with how he handled a negative situation during the speech -- I sent it mainly because that is what I do. I sent e-mails to people who upset me because there is nothing the fuck else I can do. His response, which I couldn't stomach reading for most of the day, was as much as it could have been. I admire him and his work and in the perfect world I could work for someone with the message.
I can't believe I have lived in Toledo for over two years. Even more, I can't believe that I am leaving in 7 months or so (I refuse to do the math). Law school is all I ever wanted and I'm sad that it's so close to over. I'm also really sad that the people who've become close to me (mind you, that totals to about 3) are people who I will probably never see again. I'm pretty sure that I will fall apart near graduation. I hate that people come in and out of life so quickly, and that in two years I won't even give a shit. So is life.
posted by Z @ 1:51 PM
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